I Like Her. She Likes Us.

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

For some of you, this post will come as a surprise. For my closest friends, you already know. Some of my readers may have mixed feelings and others may not care at all. Regardless, my blog is who I am and what I am going to share with you is a newly discovered part of that.

Almost two months ago, someone on social media caught my eye. If you follow my blog you might have noticed I subtly mention her. I haven’t been hiding it. I just needed time to figure things out for myself. I am *still* figuring things out. You are about to see why.

I found her on social media. I watched her interact with mutual friends. She seemed energetic, positive, friendly, and intelligent. To my delight, she identified as dominant. But she also identified as unavailable. So, with a deep sigh, I moved on. Except, something about her kept catching my attention.

Finally, she commented on a post I made. SCORE! The universe gave me an excuse to shyly slide up to her and say hello. So I did. It started as intelligent and friendly conversations and quickly became fun and flirtatious. Sparks flew and buttons were pushed. Zing, zing baby!

Then life, being the dick that it is sometimes, dropped a bomb on me; a rather large and complicated bomb.

She disclosed she is neither single nor monogamous. She was and has always been upfront about it. But I didn’t know enough about her to know it. I am monogamous. I can’t count the times I have waved my fists in the air angrily and said, “I don’t share!” And to make matters even worse, it hadn’t been that long since I found out my ex had cheated on me. Not to mention we are worlds apart.

If you are a close friend you became a victim to my flailing about, tantrums and whining. I went through several stages. I expressed outrage and disappointment that life can be so unfair. I dug my heels in about monogamy and how it could never work between us. I outlined everything about what I thought her life looked like and how that conflicted with my views of how a relationship should look. I made a lot of blind assumptions. Finally, I decided to find to give it a try and find out the truth. If you aren’t close to me this is how it looked:

“We can’t do this, I’m sorry”.
“No, no, no wait don’t go!”
“This will only ever be friendship.”
“Wait, no, I like you!”
“Seriously, we can’t do this”.
“No, please don’t go”
“It will never work I tell you!”
“Okay, but how does that look?”

I’m just not going to talk to her.
Oh, she’s online!
Nope, don’t message her.
But, I like talking to her!

Rinse and repeat. Honestly, it is a wonder she has any hair left because of me.

Eventually, after some deep soul searching and a lot of talking to friends who could relate to my situation, I decided to start asking her some extremely difficult questions and see what happened. We promised each other complete honesty and full transparency at all times to help me figure things out.

Am I still monogamous? Yes.
Do I want her to change for me? No, absolutely not.
Am I trying to change who I am for her? No. I am me. She accepts that.
Have I discovered things are not always what you think? Yes
Have I discovered new things about myself in the process? Absolutely
Do I know if it will work out in real-time when we meet? No, there are no guarantees in life.
Is the journey worth the risk that it doesn’t work out? Yes, absolutely

There is; of course, uncertainty. Neither of us knows if it will work out, how it will look for certain, or when we can even make it happen. We may meet one day and have our version of a happy Femdomme story. We may not and end up as just friends. What we do know for certain; though, is we enjoy each other very much. And really, isn’t that what matters the most.

There is so much more I want to share with you. But as they say, this is just the beginning.

Hold On to the Little Things

Tags

, , , , , ,

The world is filled with fear, sadness, and uncertainty right now. And, like everyone else, I am struggling each day to hold onto some semblance of normal. It is terrifying when everything around you seems to be falling apart.

I wish more than anything I could make it all stop. I want to assure you that everything is going to be okay. But I don’t hold the answers and I can’t predict the future. I will tell you; though, what I tell people every day at my job when they are experiencing “the worst day of their lives”.

I’m here.

We will get through this together.

Most importantly, here is the advice I want to give you. It’s something I have to remind myself often. Take the time to counter the negative with something positive. It doesn’t matter how small that positive thing may seem. Every day, reach out and grab hold of the little things that make a difference. Then take the time to remind someone else to do the same.

My things today:

1). A voicemail from her reminding me she is with me when we can’t talk
2). A message from a friend checking on me
3). My daughter telling me she knows I do the best I can and she loves me
4). An email of appreciation from work
5). Belonging to an online community of accepting and supportive people.

What are the little things that mattered to you today?

 

 

 

 

E[LUST] #128

Tags

 

Elust 128

Photo courtesy of Rebel’s Notes

Welcome to Elust 128

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #129? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

I’m pansexual but I don’t feel LGBTQ+

Blindfold Surprise

Mine

~ Featured Posts by our Guest Editor (Sweetgirl’s Picks) ~

Lola in fishnets

I have selected this piece for two reasons; first of all I
enjoyed it!  I was captivated by the story and relationship between the
characters from the start.  She set the scene beautifully and I could feel
the excitement as “something tangible passes between them, this husband
and wife who are becoming something else.’  Missy captured this moment
brilliantly.   My final reason for selecting this is because I know
Missy doubts her ability to write fiction, and this piece proves that is not
the case.

Fact
vs. Fiction in D/s

This post from Brigit does an excellent job of telling people not to try and get your D/s to look exactly like someone else’s, “Fiction can be a springboard, but ultimately, it is our job to create our own recipe for D/s.” This is something I don’t think can be said enough.   As Brigit reminds us, there is no right way, and no two dynamics are the same.  Fiction can open the door to kink but it isn’t a blueprint and shouldn’t be used as one.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Breadcrumb Trail [Part 1]
Are You A Good Girl?
The Loop
The Erlking’s Bitch
Garters
Watching Her
Fucked on a picnic table
The first taste

Erotic Non-Fiction

Getting cocky: sucking his dick, soft to hard
Jet Set Pain
The Edge of Oblivion
Stapling my Vagina Shut

Poetry

-29.02.20_15:34-

Books and Movies

Bound (2015): The Celluloid Dungeon
A Dangerous Method on Kinkstarter

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Love, Letters and Legalities

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

‘Why BDSM?’ – Elevator pitch
Bathroom Break

Blogging

A Window Inside
Why
Elust 128

Less Submissive

Tags

, , , ,

I recently was given the task of completing a BDSM checklist. We wanted to see what each other’s likes and dislikes were. If I remember it was kind of my idea. I wanted to see what she liked. I wanted to see in what ways our desires lined up and how as a submissive I could please her. I had attempted a similar one in the past but I never completed it. I don’t regret doing it. However, I never expected it to make me feel as exposed as it did at the time.

Anyway, one thing I discovered when completing it is that some actions do make me feel less submissive at the thought of doing them. I have always said there isn’t any action that makes a person less dominant or less submissive. However, I found that there are actions that make me *feel* less submissive if I did them. No, I am not going to share what those are with you. I am a strong believer in some things are intimate on a level that stays between my partner and I. And what those actions are isn’t the point.

The real point is the power we give certain things in our mind that creates these feelings. For instance, most submissive men and women agree that actions such as body worship, kneeling, and completing tasks for a dominant feed the submissive feeling. It is doing these things that we feel at our most submissive to her. When we do these things we feel closer to our dominants. We feel more connected. We feel powerful. We feel that way with those actions because, in our minds, we have given those actions that particular power.

So I stand corrected. I have always said there isn’t any action that makes a person less dominant or less submissive. There aren’t actions that make you less dominant or less submissive. However, some actions that make me *feel* less submissive.

 

 

Putting it in Overdrive

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

I sat in my car hidden in the dark corner of the parking lot staring out of the winter frosted windows. I listened as the laughter and voices faded into the distance. I waited for the thud of the door to signal they had gone back inside. I checked the mirrors and glanced around. Finally, I am alone, except for one silhouette that stood just outside the door under the lamp. It is a man. He is tall and slender and smoking a cigarette; completely unaware to my presence. I am parked too far away. At least, I don’t think he can see me. The darkness is comforting. It is my protection.

“Just stay over there,” I tell him in my mind.

My mind plays out the images from earlier over and over again. I don’t see them; though, I see us. I crave to experience those things with her. The cold air tingles against my skin but inside I am burning up. My heart is pounding violently against my chest and my skin is super sensitive. My cunt is wet and throbbing. I am desperate and aching. And I see her in my mind. I can feel her, standing over me, dangling me from her fingertips.

“Please, stay there,” I say again to the figure under the light. I am scared someone will see but I am so fucking desperate I don’t care. There is no way I can stand to wait until I get back home.

I lean the seat back a little and close my eyes. I slide my hand down inside the top of my pants and let out a gasp. I am so fucking wet. My clit is hard and swollen. I gently rub my fingers against my swollen clit. I am so close it won’t take long. And I am trying to listen for movement but my mind and body have become one big mess. I see her in my mind and I feel her. My fingers are her fingers. I rub my clit harder and faster tightening the muscles in my legs as I get closer. I dig my fingers into the car seat and push my head back. I think I am moaning and I pray no one can hear me. I arch my hips up in the seat and can feel the steering wheel press into them as the waves of my orgasm rock through my cunt.

Fuck! Yes! Fuck, please, Ma’am.

I move my hand away and close my legs together. I wait until my breathing slows to normal and my body stops trembling before raising my seat back up. I start the car and turn on the heat. I message her before finally driving out of the lot. I notice the man is gone. I can feel the heat in my face as I blush furiously and pray yet again that he was unaware of my car antics.